Tuesday I think
So I'm watching the korean music channel, and there's this one band that features a guy in a wheelchair singing and he's a star! Like a music superstar! I think that's amazing...where in Hollywood is someone in a wheelchair famous?! Get with the times America!
Oh, so now I'm calling anything on the North American continent 'American'...how did that happen? Wel I suppose it really is true...Canada IS in North America! Wierd. That really used to bother me, but now it makes sense. Huh. Interesting. Strange how things change your point of view.
I'm feeling somewhat restless after wierd dreams of people in my past and present combined. Bad things and good things combined. Wierd... I think I wake up with mixed feelings about everything. Feelings of panicky wierdness because I had terrible dreams that someone left or went away or even died. Feelings of relief that the people in my life that I value are still there...although far away.
I wonder why I felt that I had to come and do this work in Korea. What am I meant to do here? Why is that? Why did I need to leave? Why do I need to feel this separation? Havent I had enough of that kind of thing already in my life? Is it because I just don't know anything else? Not really. My name means 'wanderer' apparently. I'm beginning to think its accurate. But my other longing is to settle down somewhere and have a family. I'm not sure that that will ever become reality. I always knew I had to travel around to see the world, and see everything in a different light. To experience....see things, to expand my perspectives. Why is that? Ever since I was ...well ever since I was old enough to think thoughts and remember them...maybe even before that...I had wanderlust.
For this reason I'm soooooo glad I came to Korea. I'm so glad that I'm working with kids...even though I have no idea how to control them...and that's the point. I was teaching the kindergarten 5 year olds....and man...there IS NO controlling them! And if there is...you gotta establish that quick...or they'll just do whatever they want. They've been starting to say 'NO' to me, and that's gotta change. I know they always test you...but geez. Funny how I feel like I'm able to deal with this at this point in my life, where I'm not sure I would feel that way 5 years ago! I wonder if I'll ever have my own kids. Interesting how the desire and even need comes to have children. NEVER thought I'd EVER say that....EVER!! HA!
Man, I love how these people dress. It's great how the guys are almost funkier than the girls. Girls are super girly. You should see all the PINK stores around and guys come in quite comfortably. There's one that Candice and I found in Seoul that was amazing! FULL of cosmetics everything....from Dove, Neutrogena, Pantene (eeeeeeesh!) Vidal Sasoon, Nivea, to all the Asian products I've never seen or heard of. That's the funnest part. And let me tell you, they've got packaging down! Funny how that is.
The mix of modern and old (not sure I'd say traditional exactly) is here. There's the old perm machines in super modern designed spaces. It's shameful for daughters to be old maids here, and everyone marries Korean. It's interesting being in a culture that is NOT multi-cultural. There are the odd foreigners here and there that are obviously English teachers, or perhaps a traveller or two. But EVERYONE is really truly Korean. It's quite beautiful actually. To be somewhere where the traditional clothing is worn, and I've seen it qutie a few times already. More women then men so far...
I'm kindof feeling a bit lonely tonight. But I feel like I need to be by myself too. I dont want to read, too hooked on internet and TV now. Love information finding here. But I wish I would just get away from the noise and stimulation sometimes. Being in university changed all that.
Well...I'm going to go and try that. Talk later....I've checked my email for the millionth time today and no email. Oh well. Funny how I'm addicted to the idea to email...my only connection to the world it seems.....
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